Here is my take so far:
I'm about half way through the book (despite the fact that I am a fast reader and did I mention I love relationship books?, it has been grueling simply getting this far). Despite the mixed reviews, I fully expected to like the book, and to hopefully glean some applications for my own marriage. But truthfully, I'm really not enjoying it, and not because it's convicting or boring (it's been neither of those things). First and foremost I'm finding the writing style abrasive to the point of rudeness- there's something to be said about speaking the truth in love; Ms. Pearl instead comes across as arrogant, brusque, and provocative; I can almost imagine her scowling and waggling her finger in the reader's face. This is regretful since much of what she has to say seems scripturaly sound, truthful, and thought provoking (particularly helpful is the section on the different types of men: command-man, visionary, and steady). In this case, however, the means trump the message, and I'm finding it's just not worth it. I know that ultimately the style in which a book is written is not as important as its content, but when the reader finds herself fuming not over what the author is saying but how the author says it, there's a bit of a problem.
While there are other things I dislike about the book (such as all of her examples of what a perfect wife she is and the almost outlandish letters she includes), one thing that left me completely incredulous occurred in chapter 13: Ms. Pearl narrates the experience of a girl who impetuously married a guy who at one point in their marriage tried to stab her (and their unborn child) to death. The author commended the girl for staying with her husband, who eventually repented and adored her and they lived happily ever after or whatever. I suppose I have a hard time believing that Ms. Pearl applauded the girl for her actions (granted, it apparently all turned out okay in the end) when not only was she putting her life at risk in staying with her husband, but also those of their three children! Maybe if it were just her, but I do not think it's okay that she stayed with an extremely violent, aggressive, drunk when her children were endangered, and the author seems to think this makes her an exemplary wife (wife, maybe, but I sure wouldn't give her the mother of the year award- good grief). Ms. Pearl did not council the woman to stay (she told her either to leave him once and for all or to commit to try to win him back), but she obviously thought the girl made the right choice.
Anyway, I'm going to plow through the rest of the book (I'll write another review when I finish)- I think it may be getting better now that she's starting on the practical tips on creating a particular home environment and the like.
While I have some issues with this book, I know some of you have read it and feel quite differently than I; some of you even found it life changing, and I want to be sensitive to that.
What do you think of the book? Love it? Loathe it? On the fence? I'd love to hear your opinions...
Well, I like the book for the most part. Maybe because my personality is often abrasive, it is easier for me to overlook hers. Now, I don't agree with everything - especially toward the end of the book she gets even more legalistic. But I often recommend this book, with that caveat. She has a lot of good things to say.
ReplyDeleteI think I liked it so much is that when I got married I knew NOTHING. Our pre-marital counseling was a joke and I got married so young, hardly any of my friends had any good advice for me. I also tend to be a follower and enjoy people telling me what to do. :) I think, too, that Christians often give up on their marriages for reasons that are "Scriptural", when sometimes there could be a second chance. I enjoyed her admonitions to not give up, and to actually be proactive in capturing my husband's heart. There is a chapter at the end where she talks about commending wives who have turned their husbands in to the authorities as well, in some instances. Anyway. That said, there are still some portions that tick me off as well. :)
ReplyDeleteI have mixed reviews of it as well. I like a lot of the info, and I think much of it is needed for wives, even if it is brusque, partly because so many wives are so anti-submission and act like sitcom women. But on the other hand, the author seems to be a bit like the women Mark Drsicoll makes fun of...I'm thinking Mrs. Dugger...:-) I was also amused at her advice to moms..."offer children one thing for breakfast only! They don't need choices!" (not a direct quote, but sort of what she says). I can see where too many choices get ridiculous, but really? Can't a kid decide one morning to have cereal and the next toast? I'm just saying. It won't jeopardize their salvation, I promise.
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